The most boring movie I've ever half watched. This is so bad I've created an IMDb profile just to review this and try to save anyone else the agony of attempting to sit through this piece of bile. This is cliché after cliché: city chicks going to hicksville, staying in an out of the way cabin, no phone reception, car trouble, stormy night, ooooooo, scary. Even more boring are the pointless scenes included: the near miss car accident at the beginning has no point. The near miss hiking accident - Charisma (really?) falls and hanging on by the tips of her fingers. Alison too scared to move and help her. Back to Charisma; "Alison, help". Back to the scared Alison cowering against the cliff. Charisma is just about to lose grip when Alison pounces and pulls her up. If only she let her fall so the movie would end.Because there is no substance to this movie, many of the scenes are drawn out. We get four different shots of the clouds moving over the mountains to show us it has gone from day to night and a storm has rolled in. We don't really need a dozen shots of the cabin, the car, the whiny girl sleeping with lightning cracking to make it scary. And for what? All this to give a reason for the car alarm to go off and the battery to go dead. They had already established the battery was playing up so this was a big concoction for nothing. When the car won't start, we get a shot of the hood of the car which slowly, no - painfully slowly, moves around to show one of the girls looking under the hood. Great time wasting. The scene where the "scary" bloke makes a cup of tea. It's all close ups of the kettle boiling, pouring the tea, putting on a shirt, walking out the door. All while not showing who is making the tea. Who could it be? (Don't worry, they show him standing on his porch in the next shot) What the hell is that all about? It's not arty. It is a time killer because this movie has nothing else to do. Why these two girl would go on holiday together is the only mystery of this movie. Charisma is so devoid of any personality one would wonder why she is friends with the psycho pill popping Alison, if one cared one iota about either character. Alison is popping pills every time she has to deal with anything - apparently going into a petrol station and buying water is so scary she needs to pop a pill. She pops another 5 minutes later while driving and arguing with Charisma. Actually, every conversation these two have is an argument or disagreement. Why are they spending a week in the woods together? Oh that's right. I don't care. This is the most mind-numbingly boring, pointless and unoriginal movie I've ever seen. Well half seen. I turned it off when the girls stole scary man's truck and drove down the bush tracks to get to safety (I assume) but scary man was able to catch up to them by running through the bush. They ran into him, then crashed the truck and instead of following the track out to the road and running to safety they decide to go back and see if the man is alright. Please!

This has to be the worst movie ever. Are the two main characters retarded or something. I thought this entire movie was a joke. How could two people be so stupid? The writers make women out to be helpless retards. I was hoping after stealing the poor guys truck he would shoot the two main characters dead and the movie would be over. I mean, who funded this project? And who uses a remote control car lock on a convertible? The one who keeps popping Xanex is an idiot. The cell phone works in the river talking to mom, but not at the house. Between laughing and frustration in watching this movie. I have little faith in humanity and the movie business after watching this piece of crap. Anyone involved with the production of this movie should take a long hard look at their life's goals.

I had to give this a 1? Is more like -10. Unfortunately, I am not given that choice. After watching this and grimacing thru the whole thing, even talking to myself during the movie - "What?" - "I don't get it" - "Are you going to remember how your sister died and have an epiphany?" - "Was this actually a porn movie and when they censored out all of the porn for PopFlix, all the stuff that made sense was cut out too?" None of the scenes fit together - None of the characters were mentally stable, plus were unattractive to boot which makes you want to totally escape never to return to the movie again. Alas, my curiosity was never satisfied as far as what this had to do with the Green River Killer or the girl's missing sister and I did not get the end at ALL because it was just some random stupid ending. It was free to watch so, other than a waste of my life, it was nothing ventured and not much lost. Thumbs down! I have to admit, I came to this site just to see if I had missed something - if maybe there WAS a plot or closure, but - nope. Do yourself a favor and don't let them steal your money. For real, I think any one of us could have written and directed it better. I really would like to discuss the end with someone, but not allowed to do so here.

What was obviously meant to be an interesting twist on the psycho-killer-vs-girls-in-the-woods genre turned out to be an amateurish, hackneyed thriller that will likely leave you feeling guilty for having invested your time in it.Good-looking Charisma brings her whiny, mouse-faced friend Allison to her hometown of Green River, hoping to put to rest her trauma over having lost her sister to a cult that has caused the disappearance of many local women.The supposed cult is the MacGuffin here, as it really only serves as a motivator for what should have been a psychological character study, but is actually a dopey bore.Out on a nature hike, Allison loses a little tin of what apparently are anti-homicidal-maniac pills (they make those?), because just a few minutes later, she begins to act maniacally homicidal.Soon, she leaps to the conclusion that the local fish and game warden is actually the killer of all those missing women. So, she runs him down with his own truck, shoots him twice and sends him floating down what I would assume is the eponymous river before the two girls drag him back to his own cabin and tie him up.There, he remains taunted and tormented by Allison while Charisma goes for help. But Charisma gets lost in the woods. In what may be the most incoherent scene in an already confused and rambling movie, Charisma begins to hear the ghostly voices of children for no reason at all. The voices are never explained, or ever referred to again.Meanwhile, the punishment the old man takes at the hands of Allison is almost comical. She puts a gun to his head, insults him, teases him sexually, even threatens to cut his privates off.What was the director thinking? That the audience is at the edge of its seat at this moment, whispering breathlessly to themselves, "God, I wonder of the fish and game warden is going to make it? Please, let the fish and game warden make it!" In reality, the viewer won't give the schmutz between their ballsack and inner thigh if the fish and game warden makes it or not. We're never given reason to care about him as a character, or the girls either, for that matter.And in at least that area, that's not the writer's fault. Everything else is, but not that. Every actor in the film turns in such a uniformly bad and careless performance, it's like they were pulled straight from a college video project, handed the "Green River" script and told to get in front of the camera the same day. They don't care, so we don't care, either.Oh, and there's a twist ending. But it will come as a surprise only to those people who read the back of the Cocoa Puffs box and are surprised to learn it contains no actual cocoa.If you read my other reviews on this site you'll see I'm rather forgiving of even the worst direct-to-DVD nonsense, but "Green River" was a chore to sit through, even for me. Send this one down the river, folks.