Boring. Befuddled. Blah. These are all adjectives that could be used to to describe this lame 70's pilot for a really crappy t.v. show. Like Stranded in Space, this loser show never got off the ground. Can't imagine why. Although, to give it credit where credit is due, Stranded in Space was actually better and more coherent than this dreadful yellowish mess.There's a lot of 70's b grade actors in this one, from Pernell Roberts to Tab Hunter to Clu Gullagher. Pernell plays the head of security at San Francisco International, and a more annoying, uptight, moralizing, ego-ridden jerk I haven't seen in a long time. That first scene, in which he scares the crap out of an entire plane load of people just so that he can teach a 'lesson' to some Congressman just leaves you shaking your head in disgust. Where's Homeland Security when you need them?The 'plot', such as it is, is totally incomprehensible. There are so many trailing off plot lines that you could have woven a sweater from them. There was something about some boxes, the wife of a pilot being kidnapped, a weenie kid somehow stealing a plane, a secretary being held hostage, and a weird little scene with Pete from MacGyver getting into a fist fight with a guitar toting hippie kid. None of it makes much sense, and the only closure is the kid being brought down safely(too bad, he was a really irritating kid). The film is so yellow that it looks like the 'before' pics of coffee stained dentures. Everybody is drably uninteresting, and the whole thing could be used as a sleep inducer. A total waste of time, even as an MST3K episode.

OK, here's how the movie works.There is the barest germ of an interesting detective story plot here to drive the movie: thieves use a kidnapping at the San Francisco Airport to serve as a distraction from their attempts to smuggle stuff into Mexico. Watching Pernell Roberts (the airport administrator), Clu Gulager (the airport security chief) and Van Johnson (a newspaper columnist who happens to be in the airport at the time) try to assemble the clues, figure out what's happening, and scramble to thwart the bad guys before the bad guys can 'get away with it'...is mildly diverting in the same way that the 'caper plots' from "Hawaii Five-O" used to be.But because this series pilot is supposed to be setting us up for a series similar to "The Grand Hotel", and not just a detective series, the filmmakers have to flesh things out with human interest and character tags. So we get Pernell's battle with the senators over modernizing the airport. We get a divorce subplot between Van Johnson and his wife which in turn generates an ABC after school special segment with son Davey, who is so upset by his parents' impending separation that he...um....gets into an unguarded plane on the tarmac and takes off. (What?????). And we also get a public service announcement subplot in which it is revealed that businessmen tend to be stuffy and prejudiced, while guitar playing hippies and airport security chiefs can relate to each other. Or something.The results are, well....watchable. All the actors here are competent in a made-for-TV way. Pernell Roberts' character is incredibly smug and self-important, but I think that was a deliberate choice by the director and the screenwriter - don't forget that "McGarrett", the hero of "Hawaii Five-O" (a very successful hit in the same era) was also arrogant and hard-nosed, and I think the writers were hoping to mimic that series success with a similar protagonist.But it's obvious that the makers of "SFI" spectacularly misjudged the drawing power of the airport setting in generating viewer interest, especially when they made the airport and everything in it muddy orange and brown. And the screenplay is pretty much stuck in 2nd gear for the duration of the film. You've never seen so much screen time devoted to actors giving each other meaningful glances in your life.Anyway, no one bought it, and the pilot sunk without a trace, to be revived by "Mystery Science Theater" over 30 years later. The MST coverage is mildly amusing (as always) and helps you pass the time until the pilot winds to its inevitable close and everyone lives happily ever after.

A tense and thrilling drama is what this show tries to be, but fails in all aspects except becoming great ammo for the guys at MST3K. If it has Tab Hunter and David Hartman, well you know it's good. Facially disfigured crooks try to smuggle a large reserve of cash to El Paso while idiot Davey, upset that his parents can't communicate steals a plane and doesn't know what to do. Pernell must rescue him and figure out how to foil the bad guys with the money and save David Hartman's bad hair-do wife. Show also stars Clu Gulager, Van Johnson (who doesn't sing in this)and a bunch of nobody's who don't do a lot else but stand and stare wondering what their next move should be. Is this anyway to run an airport? Sure it's 1970. Metal detectors? We don't need no stinkin metal detectors!!

If there's anything on TV that could make "Cop Rock" look like "Masterpiece Theatre", San Francisco International is it. Pernell Roberts, long before he discovered his TV niche as Trapper John, stars here as an arrogant, self-aggrandizing, pompous head of security for the San Francisco airport. >In order for you to get an idea of his modus operandi as head of security, he stages a crisis aboard an airplane full of congressmen in order to demonstrate his need for more security. Thankfully, the scene of these VIPs cleaning up after discovering the hoax was left on the editing room floor. > David Hartman also stars as a clueless pilot whose wife is kidnapped. The kidnapping takes place so that Hartman's character can stall his next flight long enough so that the bad guys can steal some gold, money, potatoes...who really cares?This movie throws in every bad TV movie element of the time, missing only the opportunity to cast either Bert Convy or one of the Landers sisters. Roberts' character is neither likable nor identifiable in this film.Sterno says keep this film on your personal radar, only to make sure that you've shot it down and to watch it go down in flames.