I tried. Oh Lordy I tried for 2 hours, but figuring the last 50 minutes would be better spent staring at my cat, I gave up.I usually have good things to say about even the worst movies. "Mars Needs Women"? Acting was actually pretty good. "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus"? The plane scene made my day.But ""The Poseidon Adventure"" (I put in double quotes so not to associate it with any other works of a similar name) was so bad it was good... but then it rolled over into bad again. Beginning with a comic bookish raid on a terror cell (note how they blow the flimsy aluminum garage door open and it leaves a perfectly circular hole whilst leaving the rest of the door standing completely intact lol), the filmmakers immediately establish an irrelevant sideplot about the Department of Homeland Security and a bunch of other miscellaneous Tough American Guy outfits chasing terrorists.This wouldn't have been so annoying if they hadn't wasted so much time on gratuitous military base scenes and random 1-scene actors running around like the beginning of the tv show Hogan's Heroes. I'm not exaggerating; almost half the movie isn't on the ship, it's about SEAL teams gearing up, military types barking orders, cheesy graphics of GPS satellites circling overhead (real suspenseful there) and soldiers playing poker.You get the feeling early on that this movie, made in 2005, was just capitalizing on the post 9/11 go-team-USA vibe. It crosses over into propaganda territory with several lines about how Homeland Security doesn't have the funding it needs, as well as a laughable plug for racial profiling (A murder is committed on the ship, and within 5 minutes the Homeland Security guy narrows it down to the 3 culprits by looking at the ship's manifest and checking for people who are from "terrorist-harboring countries". I AM NOT KIDDING! Was Trump watching this trash when he cooked up his many travel ban(s)?Oh wait, there's something about a boat. And passengers trying to escape. But the story is actually more focused on a husband having an affair with the ship's masseuse while his 2 kids run around the ship and discover dead bodies and stuff. And then there's a random French chick who decides to rip off her dress, like completely, so they can use the fabric to cover their mouths as they run through a fire. Who comes UP with this stuff???Oh I gotta go, my cat just blinked. Victory is mine!

How can I begin? It should have been called The Love Boat VII. There is nothing even interesting about this movie. Would anyone involved win this movie use it on their CV? It was one of four movies on a $5 DVD in the delete bin at Walmart. This movie cost $1.25 and at that was overpriced. I noticed that the Australian version of this thing was considerably shorter than the general release version and had we not fast forwarded through every piece of "significant" dialogue I would have kicked myself for not searching out the Aussie release.I am somewhat grateful however knowing that should I decide to finish my story about the workday of a toll-booth collector, there are producers out there waiting. Rutger Hauer and Steve Gutenberg are already cast.A chimpanzee could write a better screenplay by sticking a crayon where the sun don't shine and squatting over a copy of the National Enquirer.

I ordered the Blu-Ray release of this, thinking it was the original film, which I liked. I had not heard of a TV "remake" and now I know why. This is undoubtedly among the most embarrassing films I have ever seen. Some films are so bad that they have inherent redeeming value, but this one has absolutely nothing going for it. It is mind-boggling that good actors could read this unprofessional script and still sign on the dotted line!I won't go into details, for others have done so quite well here. Terrible reviews of a film that is even more terrible.I will henceforth read carefully before I order a DVD.

Some films that aren't really that bad will receive a rating like this, not because they are horrible in relation to other films of the same rating or better, but because they had so much potential and really not much excuse for failing as a film.This is one of those. A strong cast, a good (remake) concept, plenty of budget- all which leave the viewers with a nagging question, "why did it suck?"It certainly had plenty going for it, which is the main reason I am so disappointed and feel that it deserves a rating of 3 or less. The entire movie is a montage of ripped off scenes from other big budget flicks, and it's almost as if the writers were deliberately trying to flip off the audience by implying they were too dumb to recognize the same scene/situational format from Armageddon, Titanic, hell- even finding Nemo!Maybe they thought a remake didn't warrant a great script, or maybe they were in too much of a hurry to actually come up with their own so they decided "borrow" from other movies. Either way, it's the main reason I gave the movie such a low rating, as it was pretty insulting when the father acknowledges his daughters boyfriend is the one that has to go on a suicide mission to save them all, only to trick the boyfriend and go in his place, so that his daughter wouldn't lose the love of her life. (Gee, reminds me of a certain Bruce Willis/ Ben Affleck scene in Armageddon).This movie has little to offer, other than watching a ship get knocked around and broken up, and some of the drowning scenes are indeed interesting, but overall it didn't deliver.Skip it unless you enjoy made for TV movies.