Craig McCenzie (Slater), is a former Special Ops soldier and military-grade badass, despite the fact that his own name seems to be spelled incorrectly. Hired by a mysterious woman named Cecilia (Korostyshevskaya), he's reluctantly pulled into the time-honored "one last op" when he's forced to take a bunch of "weekend warriors" on a mission to take down an evil baddie named Mason (Meaney). Just why McCenzie needs to take inexperienced non-soldiers on an extremely dangerous mission wasn't clearly explained. As part of a combat-simulation vacation called, obviously, "Soldiers of Fortune", rich knowitalls bicker and squabble while McCenzie rolls his eyes and tries his best to whip them into combat readiness. Among his new charges are a young video game designer named Sin (Monaghan), a rich playboy named Dimidov (Bean), an African arms dealer named Grimaud, but nicknamed "The Grim Reaper" (Rhames), obnoxious Wall Streeter Vanderbeer (Bewley) and rich older man Haussman (Cromwell). Can this wacky cast of characters work together and get the job done? Soldiers Of Fortune is a movie out of sync with its time and place. It seems like it would be more comfortable sharing video store shelf space next to Desert Thunder (1999) and Stealth Fighter (1999) in the 90's. The only thing that really ties it to the 2000's are a couple of Bin Laden references (making this movie the original Zero Dark Thirty, 2012). Our beloved Christian Slater could have played the same role even then, though his beard-stubbly grizzledness does add much to his leadership abilities. He's not Gleaming the Cube anymore, he's "Action Slater" as you've never seen him before. He does a lot of running, jumping, rolling around, and shooting people, and presumably killing people, with a weapon that looks suspiciously like a paintball gun. He also spouts a lot of silly, country-fried aphorisms that wouldn't be out of place as Toby Keith lyrics. Despite the impressive cast overall, this movie is clearly carried by Slater on his back much like a wounded enemy combatant in a war zone.Important things you need to know about Soldiers Of Fortune: 1. visually, it looks like it was produced by Nu-Image. 2. We think it was supposed to be a comedy, so imagine if Nu-Image tried to make a movie filled with yuks. The result is a film filled with dumbness and mediocrity, but you already knew that, didn't you? Even the title hints at the lack of originality within. You'd think the non-Slater cast would make the water rise and float this particular boat, but no, it's a bunch of stereotyped roles that don't really inspire the viewer with any real emotions. Monaghan plays the young punk whippersnapper obsessed with video games, Rhames does the African accent he did in Dangerous Ground (1997), Bewley plays the obvious, expected cliché of the heartless money broker, and Bean and Cromwell swim against the tide and do their best, but fail to leave a real impression.But sometimes the clichés work in the movie's favor, such as the classics "Ex-Special Forces", "One Last Op", and walking away from an explosion in slow motion. Not forgetting of course about the final confrontation between Slater and Meaney (I never figured I'd have to type that...) where we see some prime examples of not just Slater-Fu, but Colm Meaney-Fu. Yeah. It also features the same song from Beatdown (2010), Tommy Fields' immortal "Wildfire In the Streets" (which is kind of an odd choice, as there are no real "streets" to speak of here, it's mainly an island setting, nor is there a wildfire, but maybe there's a cheap bank of songs DTV producers can pull from. Tommy Fields truly is the Robert Tepper of the DTV era). So just to recap what was said earlier, Soldiers of Fortune is typical video store fodder in the era of no video stores.

"Soldiers Of Fortune" is about millionaires who want to play soldier and end up getting involved in a real war. Of course, they all have different agendas, as we learn throughout the film. The problem is, this film has no idea if it wants to be a buddy comic film (see arms merchant Grimaud (Ving Rhames) paired up with video game designer 'Sin' (Dominic Monaghan)), or a serious action film, and basically is neither. It also has James Cromwell (NOT the bad guy for once), and the real baddie, Colin Meaney (playing well a mean ex-CIA agent named Mason, who sells himself to the highest bidder), basically collecting paychecks. The main reason to watch this film is to see Sean Bean (Dimidov), who turns in an excellent performance as a trader in precious metals, who starts out as a questionable character, and becomes a hero in the end. The worst performance belongs to Christian Slater (Craig McCenzie), who once again seems to think he is tough guy, but unless it is the cynical type (like in "Broken Arrow" or "Hard Rain") he is not. Spoilers ahead: Perhaps the worst part of the film is the ending where the "Soldiers Of Fortune" liberate an Eastern European Island from Mason, and the other bad guys, and save Cecilia (a stunning Oksana Korostyshevskaya). It was totally predictable about what would happen to each character, except who would end up with Cecilia? You think through most of the film, it would be Slater, but you realize that it was probably Bean, who ends up saving Cecilia's life, after a boating accident where she almost drowns (she plays "chicken" with a evil woman, and wins). Note: Dimidov and Cecilia hooking up, is not a given but after he throws away a piece of the metal he wanted, you can guess he will give up his lifestyle for her (particularly after he saved her life). Basically it is not worth your time, except to see Bean (for a change), survive and probably get the girl. 3 of 10 Stars.

First I am glad that I didn't read any of the reviews before watching this. I think that if I had I might not have bothered watching it. I know now that I would have lost something, a few good laughs. The first 15 minutes I wanted to turn it off and watch something else but I gave it a chance and then surprisingly it got a lot better. I didn't try to watch it as a serious movie but more of a comedy and it worked, worked great. I just loved to see a bunch of rich pampered babies get bullied for once it was so much fun. Look not a great movie but damn was it fun to watch. I laughed like I had not done for a long time. To watch this movie with a critical eye is just not the way to watch it. just sit down , relax and put on your young kid eyes and laugh.

I don't need to go into detail here as to the bad script, acting, special effects etc, but it made me laugh. The opening scene in a Taliban held village was a great laugh, especially the suspicious old man with burka woman. I stopped taking it seriously from right then and went along for the ride. The basic plot idea is good and could have been done with some style & class, considering the actors involved; but it came off as a straight-to-video actioner, not even credible enough to be a TV movie. We should probably expect more of the same in the coming months/years since the two Expendables movies, and the stars of those films are already making hay from Expendables with other, less worthy(?) movies. The basic story has been done before, but I would pay to see this done properly by a A-grade director with a strong script and decent effects budget; something along the lines of Predator, with an Arnold Schwarzenegger type lead to bring in the audience. All of the actors involved significantly underplayed their roles, making them look a bit one dimensional, but if it was on TV one night and I had nothing else to watch - I'd give it a shot. Great B-movie - 6/10.