Watching this film you get the impression that they were writing the film at the same time that it was being shot.Sequences don't seem to join together.Events happen for no reason.So in the end it makes very little sense.Robert Cummings,in his last theatrical film,looks totally out of place.He looks old and tired.He seems to behave rather strangely as if he has St Vitus dance.Then we have the guest stars.Watching them is rather like watching wax replicas.Basically all they have to say is "Number 2".The only real interest in this film is viewing Hong Kong as it was in 1965 before the construction of so many skyscrapers.Also planes coming into land at the old Kai Tek airport.that was truly a memorable experience.This film is truly awful but entertaining for that reason.

Going into this, I knew not to expect too much from it (having watched any number of low-brow espionage fare from the era) but I was still disappointed by the way it wastes a star cast and is compromised besides by the fatal miscasting of the central role! Harry Alan Towers made several colorful thrillers during this time, often set against an exotic backdrop and filled with beautiful girls; oddly enough, then, he went and repeatedly shot himself in the foot by choosing a Hollywood veteran (read: way past his prime and usually forgotten) for leading man – I thought this practice had died with the British B-movies of the previous decade! In this case, we get Robert (sorry, Bob!) Cummings – introduced sunbathing near a pool! – who really must have thought he was appearing in a comedy, since he never takes the mayhem going on around him seriously (despite the constant threats to his own life)! The producer probably felt he had made a coup by securing the services of a two-time Alfred Hitchcock hero (albeit perhaps his lightest ever): on his part, the actor probably merely thanked his lucky stars he could still ogle gorgeous half-naked chicks at his age and, for better or worse, this turned out to be his final theatrical film! Anyway, the titular figures are 5 powerful industrialists from different areas of the globe who join forces – without, however, knowing one another's identity! – intending to control the world's economy (or some such grandiose scheme obviously doomed to failure by the generally oblivious intervention of our happy-go-lucky hero!). When they finally appear, or rather 4 of them (as the fifth remains a mystery till the very end), they are supposed to justify the presence in the film of Dan Duryea, Brian Donlevy, George Raft and Christopher Lee – who subsequently do nothing but present themselves to one another (after removing their golden-dragon masks) while sitting at table and opening a box in front of them with one of two keys which, were they to adopt the wrong one, would end up shot dead! Convoluting this basic plot is the interaction between Dragon minion Klaus Kinski, a couple of sisters (Maria Perschy, who had fled from service with the Dragon conglomerate, and Maria Rohm, the producer/writer's wife), two vaguely antagonistic others involved in running a nightclub (the girl being "Euro-Cult" babe Margaret Lee), not forgetting the Shakespeare-quoting British Inspector stationed in Hong Kong (played by Rupert Davies) who, when he gets stuck or slips on the Act/Verse front, a local aide butts in half-mockingly (yeah right, like I know Confucius!).Though the Widescreen print looks very good, it all goes for naught when one is never really drawn into the various intrigues, not due to its proving mystifying but rather because it is so sketchily-presented as to barely matter! Along the way, Cummings receives a cryptic note from a man killed by Kinski's henchman, is chased by the latter and his men along the river banks and later atop a temple (cue totally inappropriate cartoonish sounds accompanying the dull and protracted action itself!), framed for Perschy's murder and eventually sent, in the guise of No. 5 Dragon (pardon the lapse into Charlie Chan lingo!), to be eliminated himself at the climactic meeting of the charade-happy big-wigs! Like I said, very few of the stars are given anything substantial to do – of the Dragons, only Duryea gets to utter more than a few dumb lines; Kinski, too, is underused; as for the girls, Rohm's basic lack of experience is evident (this was only her third film), Perschy does what she can with the frightened-lady stereotype, whereas Lee sings and plays the sultry villainess adequately enough but, entering proceedings at the 45-minute mark and appearing thereafter only intermittently, it results in a 'too little too late' scenario!

The cast is probably the biggest draw of "Five Golden Dragons", but be warned: many of those actors (Christopher Lee, Klaus Kinski, etc.) appear only for a few minutes and barely do anything. The main star is Bob Cummings, agreeable enough but slightly too old for the part of the cheerful, happy-go-lucky playboy. As usual in 1960's spy/crime/exotic adventure films (this one was shot on location in Hong Kong), the women (Margaret Lee, Maria Perschy, Maria Rohm) are tremendously sexy, with wonderfully curvy bodies that their various bikinis/dresses do a great job of showcasing. Unfortunately, the film has very little action, and several sequences are extremely dragged-out in length (for example, there are 3 musical numbers back-to-back in the middle), which makes me think that this is one case where the shortened (by 30 minutes!) American version might actually have been superior (it's easy to see the parts that need trimming). One twist near the end works well, but overall this film has to count as a major disappointment. *1/2 out of 4.

Singapore looks great. The rest of this film is so incredibly bad that its a wonder that Mystery Science Theater 3000 never found it. Equally amazing is that this film isn't high on the list of inept movies made by people who should know better. Forget the plot, it makes no real sense (it has something to do with a fat man being thrown off the balcony of a 12th story apartment thats empty, a note he leaves behind for a guy he met in Manila, and a group of people known as the Five Golden Dragons). Mostly its an excuse to have Bob Cummings (a fading sitcom star who's career faded even more after this) wander through various dangerous situations and say stupid things that are suppose to be funny. This is a comedy right? Actually most things I've seen about this film list it as a drama, which it never could be except in a drug addled mind. The dialog is awful. the performances are even worse. Its as if no one cared.(Maybe Klaus Kinski did since he's the only one not sending in a note that their performance couldn't come in because it was sick) Cummings is beyond bad.I mean beyond beyond (way past the land of hope and fear bad). The big name stars, George Raft, Brian Brian Donlevy, Christopher Lee and others, seem somnambulant in their very very brief appearances. Shall we talk about the continuity? Actually we could if there was some but there is not. Watch how things jump from shot to shot to shot . Nothing, and I do mean that, nothing matches. Who was the editor of this? Watch as people and objects move around a set with the greatest of ease.There is a drinking game waiting to be created here. I've read a couple of things since I watched this last night that described it as jaw dropping...and it is I could feel my jaw opening as I watched this and an incredulous expression go across my face. I also kept wondering what the heck I was watching. This is awful. I mean its bad. And if you can get drunk with some friends I think this is probably a laugh riot. In the words of Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now "The Horror the horror." (If you must see this try to get the full version which can be had from Sinister Cinema since its got an extra half hour of truly awfulness from the version thats floating around on tape. I mean if you're going to abuse yourself, do it right)