Dennis Weaver has decided to take the family on camping/beach vacation on the Pacific coast. Some of the relationships are getting a little frayed and he thinks this might be a chance to mend. Especially with son Kristoffer Tabori who has announced that he is leaving college.So it's Weaver, Tabori, and wife Estelle Parsons and daughter Susan Dey off in the camper. They run afoul of Scott Hyland and his gang of drugged out dune buggy buddies who proceed to terrorize the Glynn family on their vacation.The theme is a familiar one, the civilized man who can't quite comprehend pure evil when confronted. Fortunately for Weaver he catches on in time to save himself and his family.Besides the chase and action sequences the best ones are the scenes between father and son. Weaver and Tabori put some real bite into them.Familiar theme, low budget, but nicely acted by the ensemble cast.

At the beginning of this TV movie we see a minivan tooling along a wooded road. The driver is Dennis Weaver, decked out in mustache, pipe, and black-rimmed glasses. Later, a bad guy will call Weaver "Mister Whitebread" and Weaver will respond with a bemused expression. With Weaver in the bus are his blue-eyed wife (Estelle Parsons), his politely rebellious teen-aged son (Kristoffer Tabori) and his virginal daughter "DeeDee" (Susan Dey).The first lines come from Weaver, who happily orders his family to hold their breaths, then -- "Alright, everybody, now BREATHE! Smell that fresh air?" In the passenger's seat is young Tabori, to whom Weaver makes some remark about college. Tabori says that he's old enough "to stand on my own two feet", and he'd like to make his own decisions and not just be ordered around anymore. I can't quite describe his delivery of these machine-processed lines. Let me just say that, at first, I thought he was joking. He rolls his eyes and speaks metrically, as if he knows that the lines are so formulaic that they deserve nothing but parody. But no -- the fact is that the kid is serious. He just can't act.The first ten minutes all boded pretty ill and I began to wonder, "Why am I watching this, again?" Then Susan Dey appeared in tight, Chinese red, short shorts and I remembered.I don't want to get into the plot in any detail. A bunch of hooligan kids show up in hot rods and an old fire engine and harass the Whitebread family, humiliating them, insulting them, damn near wrecking their vehicle, finally driving them off the road, although there isn't a moment's doubt that they'll be back.The Whitebreads set up a tent next to their bus on the beach and the hooligans reappear, apologetic but obviously insincere. Dennis Weaver's attitude towards them is, "Well, they're just some kids havin' fun and let's not get hysterical." Estelle Warren frankly doesn't trust them. As they ogle Susan Dey in her tiny swimsuit, she acts half haughty and half flirtatious, offering them beers, evidently not knowing that the name of this movie is "Terror On The Beach." It's on right now and I guess I'll go back and finish watching it. I don't want to miss the inevitable scene in which the goons corner DeeDee in the woods and threaten to make her feel good.In judging whether or not you should bother watching this, you might ask yourself, "Self, have you seen 'Hot Rods to Hell' or 'Duel'?" You should ask this because the plot is essentially ripped off from the former and Dennis Weaver's character is a variation on his constantly noodged driver in the latter. This isn't nearly as good as the other two -- both of which I enjoy beyond the bounds of logic -- but it's similar enough because of its stolen elements that you might get a kick out of it. In any case, if you decide to watch it, it will help if your brain has been subject to chemical alteration.

Terror on the Beach (1973) ** 1/2 (out of 4) Interesting, if at times frustrating, made-for-TV thriller has Dennis Weaver (DUEL) taking his family to the beach for a couple days of camping but the family comes under attack by some hippies. The father wants to play everything cool hoping that the thugs will just leave them alone but one attack after another happens until the family must do something to protect themselves. At just 73-minutes there's really no room for any sort of character development but that's not a major negative. What does hurt the film is that the movie would pretty much be over at the ten-minute mark but the only way it can keep going is by characters being complete idiots. The father here has to take the top award for dumbest movie dad in the history of cinema because all of the terror his family goes through could have been avoided. After the first two attacks it would be clear to anyone to leave but not this dad. He keeps his family there for a third, fourth and even more attacks until it becomes too late to try and escape. This is the part of the film that is rather frustrating. In terms of a thriller there are a few very good moments including the first night scene when the family learns that they're not alone. The dark beach makes for a very good setting and the director is able to milk some nice suspense out of the scene. Weaver turns in a pretty good performance even though at times the screenplay doesn't benefit him any. His "good guy" act at times seems to be an impersonation of W.C. Fields but the actor is believable in the role. Estelle Parsons (BONNIE AND CLYDE) plays the wife, Kristoffer Tabori the son and an extremely cute Susan Dey is the daughter. I do wonder which films influenced this one. It does have a lot in common with HOT RODS TO HELL but it also has a similar theme to "revenge" movies like STRAW DOGS. It's interesting that the father here refuses to fight back in hopes that everything will work out and this does make for an interesting decision towards the end of the film. Those wanting violence are going to be pretty disappointed as the film tries to be the opposite of stuff like STRAW DOGS and THE LAST HOUSE ON THE LEFT. I'd also wonder how much of an influence this had on Wes Craven's THE HILLS HAVE EYES as the two films share quite a bit. With that said, fans of TV movies or thrillers will probably want to check this one out if they have some time to kill. It's certainly not a masterpiece but there are enough interesting ideas to make it worth viewing.

You might be a bit confused if you watch this silly made-for from the beginning, since the credits list Susan Dey as "Special Guest Star." Um, why would a one-off MOW like this have a guest star? Well, if you stick with it, you'll find yourself paying attention to little else but Ms. Dey's butt, wiggling in a flowered bikini as the "Partridge Family" house babe frolics on the beach to which that imaginative title alludes. Susan's derrière is especially compelling when she shakes it at the camera while teasing and tickling her pseudo-disaffected brother in one mildly incestuous scene. Sadly, Susie and her tush fight a losing battle: the jiggle-TV craze that might have put that bottom over the top was three years off, so that sweet booty just gets a supporting role. In 1976 Fat Freddy Silverman would have put that behind right out front and used this flick as Susan's audition tape for "Charlie's Angels." As is, our Susan was denied cheesecake immortality and had to settle for a very commendable career playing somber, neurotic women.The view beyond Susan's heinie, it must be said, is not very compelling. The scenery is nice, and photographed in a bizarre, hazy way that briefly fools you into thinking there might be some quirky creative intelligence at work behind the camera. Nope. It's just a typically suspense-challenged 70's made-for-TV thriller that allowed weekly series stars to make some extra cash(and collect some cable residuals, though they obviously didn't know that at the time) and show off their "range." Here we're treated to a TV-scale nuclear family, squaring off against TV-scale thugs who can't decide whether they're a motorcycle gang or a hippie cult (thus the filmmakers split the difference by putting them in dune buggies) and have never learned one of the primary lessons of 1970s television: don't mess with Dennis Weaver (see "McCloud" and "Duel"). The only potential for depth in this movie is in the aforementioned teenage-son character of Steve, played by the long-forgotten (if ever-remembered) Kristoffer Tabori, who is supposed to be rebellious and troubled and might feel some sympathy for and attraction to the lawless mob that is (supposedly) menacing his family. But Steve, as played by Tabori (gosh, why didn't we see more from this wunderkind?), is actually just grumpy and moody and isn't one bit conflicted when big D gets serious and draws a line in the proverbial (and literal) sand. For the sleep-deprived and Susan Deyniacs (there must be some of you out there) only.