I've watched some utter codswallop in my time, but CROSS OF THE SEVEN JEWELS reaches new lows in almost every respect. This is a painfully bad attempt at an Italian werewolf film (I believe the previous attempt was 1976's NAKED WEREWOLF WOMAN) which would have been halfway decent had it anything resembling a budget. Instead, the film appears to have been made out of the director's loose change. Said director, Marco Antonio Andolfi, also acted as a producer, did the special effects (what special effects?) and took the leading role under a pseudonym, which would have been good had he possessed any movie-making talent whatsoever. Instead, all he has is enthusiasm, which sadly isn't enough.The painfully slow and poorly-filmed movie begins with a red-lit scene in a brothel which looks like it has come straight out of a cheap Asian porno. In it, S&M-clad cult members indulge in kinky sexual acts such as whipping. Presiding over the weird orgy is the craggy-faced cult leader, played by former peplum star Gordon Mitchell (BLOOD DELIRIUM). Poor Gordon. Undoubtedly the star's worst ever film appearance, he gets barely a line of dialogue here and for the most part stands around grimacing and occasionally gurning into the camera in inserts randomly stuck into the middle of other scenes.The incredibly wooden Andolfi stars as a middle-aged guy vacationing in Italy with his girlfriend when his magic lucky necklace is stolen by a petty motorbike thief. From here on, the rest of the film concerns Andolfi attempting to get his necklace back, by visiting all the local criminals and usually getting beaten up as a result. It goes without saying that the criminals are an utterly uninteresting and badly-dressed bunch and the terrible locations seem to use the same set every time, just dressed differently.After an hour of mindless wandering around and uninteresting tame violence, the film comes to an abrupt and unsatisfying end. The dull crime action (which also includes a plodding police investigation, God knows why) is occasionally punctuated with bursts of werewolf violence; the only reason to watch this film being to laugh at just how bad the werewolf in this film is.When reviewing the Peter Cushing film LEGEND OF THE WEREWOLF, critics usually comment on how cheap and derivative the makeup is in it. Similarly, when the Brit horror flick DOG SOLDIERS was recently released, the werewolves were criticised as being unrealistic. Both makeup jobs look like artistic masterpieces in comparison to the shaggy wolfman on display here. Even the werewolf in 1935's creaky WEREWOLF OF London is 100 times more realistic. Remember that ultra-cheap peplum film THE INVINCIBLE BROTHER MACISTE with the race of leopard men? Probably not, but the same 'technology' is used in this film. Namely, a fur mask worn over the head by a fully naked male actor (thankfully, the Japanese version I saw uses genital fogging) and a pair of fur mittens. AWFUL! The end result transforms a normal actor into... a naked guy with a werewolf mask and mittens on.The transformation scene is hilarious, lasting about ten minutes and utilising a "mooing" sound effect to add to the 'horror' of the piece. Sadly, it has the opposite effect. Watch out for the wacky death-by-werewolf scene in which a guy's face melts off like in THE BEYOND, but even cheaper and not as much fun. The less said about the plastic stomach explosion the better. Finally, the slightly controversial werewolf rape sequence is made ludicrous by the fact that the 'werewolf' is quite obviously a guy holding a fur rug over his head. Yes, it's that bad. The editing on this film is choppy and the gratuitous sex scenes involve unappealing actors and actresses, prompting liberal use of the fast-forward button. In all respects, this is terrible and a real bore, and only fans of REALLY BAD movies might get a kick out of it. Just leave your taste at the door beforehand.

This "film" is a brutal rape of cinematographic art ... the worst film i've ever seen and, since i've been appointed as an expert in trash films, probably the worst ever made in Italy. The subject seems to come out from a neurological hospital such as the screenplay, actors are terrible and terribly directed and special effects are ridiculous at unbelievable levels. Maybe only "Paganini Horror" by Luigi Cozzi and "Blood Delirum" by Sergio Bergonzelli could be considered in the same order of ugliness (but surly better). See to believe ... That's the absolute masterpiece of unconscious trash film-making and potentially better than the best comic movie.

This appallingly awful hodgepodge affair is a dull, confused and meandering snorefest about Marco (insipidly played by the ultra-boring Eddy Endolf, who also misdirected this putrid mess), a drab numbskull doofus whose mother practiced black magic and worshiped an evil ape creature. When dear mom renounced her unholy faith in the foul, hairy beast, ape thing got ticked off: he brutally butchered mommy and put a curse on Marco, who has to always wear a cross with seven jewels on it or otherwise he will transform into a hokey murderous werewolf-type hirsute humanoid creature. Marco has his cross swiped, a disastrous event which leads to several gory killings, seriously stupid and cheesy solarized nightmares, a bittersweet reunion with his loving cousin Carmelita (the pretty, but colorless Anne Belle), nasty run-ins with a stolen jewelry ring, corrupt government officials, bumbling cops, and a phony whore fortune teller (this later gal Marco makes love to; he transforms into his lethal hairball alter ego in mid-coitus and tears out her throat!), and creepy visions of a kinky devil cult who are not only led by famed Italian muscleman actor Gordon Mitchell (who mostly just stands around and glowers), but also like to hold sick and twisted S&M-themed orgies in a smoky, reddish-hued dungeon basement (even ape thing participates in the wicked debauchery; he copulates with a beautiful blonde babe!). Despite the wacky plot's largely unrealized potential for hardcore sleazy trash fright flick thrills, a few raunchy sex scenes, and the abundant violence and nudity, this hideously botched cinematic abomination sure ain't no gem. It's fatally undermined by flat direction, sluggish pacing, poor acting, shoddy make-up f/x, indifferently drawn characters, and, worst of all, an overly talky, rambling and ineptly structured script that awkwardly combines dumbfounding flashbacks and flashforwards, sloppily integrated subplots, dopey dream sequences and a horribly anti-climactic non-ending into one horrendously abysmal melange that doesn't possess the slightest trace of either cohesion or narrative drive. A real stinker.

This is probably the cheapest horror film ever made in Italy, and that surely means something. It's about a hapless man who suffers under a strange werewolf-curse which is related to an even stranger occult sect (led by Cameron Mitchell!). In a way it pays homage to the Spanish werewolf-flics starring Paul Naschy as Valdemar Daninsky. But the Naschy-films look like big budget epics compared to this mess, which is so bad that one has to see it to believe it. Director Andolfi not only plays the lead role (credited as Eddy Endolf) but also handles the special effects and many other things. Sometimes one might believe he was the only one behind the camera (maybe he was, who knows?).Besides the cursed man and the sect, the incoherent plot involves the least threatening mafia killers ever banned on celluloid; with such mobsters, "The Godfather" would have been the comedy of the 20th century. All the actors seem to be amateurs, probably good friends of director/everything Andolfi. The special effects (especially the werewolf-make-up and the old fashioned transformation sequences) are less convincing than most monster scenes from, shall we say, films by Ed Wood jr. All in all, this shoddy mess is unbelievably ridiculous.Despite the fact that the film is inept from every imaginable aspect, it is good fun and highly entertaining, at least for watching once - a party tape and a master example of a film that lacks any quality. You have been warned...