If, by grace of God, you were epileptic, Nukie might just trigger a seizure. This would hopefully prevent you from watching the rest of this film. There are certainly enough idiotic lens-flare light effects and crap. I saw "Nukie" as a child; my father had rented it and has since been convicted by the Hague.From here on out, I'm not sure I can string together intelligible sentences to describe this film. It consists primarily of a disgusting little alien rushing around the desert, while his brother shrieks NUUUUUKEEEEEE approximately fourteen thousand times. Some kid gets bitten by a snake (cue stock "snake" footage). Nothing makes sense in this film. The snakebite at least limits the number of characters. These people spend their days rushing around shouting things like, "He's an alien made of PURE ENERGY!" Said alien just happens to look a bit like Grandpa, if you turned him inside-out. I can't stop crying. Even if you love campy movies, this one will break you.

"Nukie" is a celluloid cesspool. Forget about insulting its audience, I feel like I've insulted myself by forcing myself to watch the entire movie. I can't even relay the plot because I lost track 1/3 of the way through. It is an utter failure in every measurable way. I've seen a lot of crap films, but there is nothing I've seen that tops this.Nukie is ugly. He has snot dripping from his nose. He befriends a talking chimpanzee. He meets the chimp's "cousin," a talking baboon. He can metamorphose into a ball of light. The special effects were surpassed in movies made thirty years earlier.Thank god "Nukie" was a failure, or else we might have had to endure Nukie lunchboxes or a Nukie TV show. Even worse, a shrieking Nukie plush toy – "MMIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKKKKOOOOOOOOOOOO!." Oh my god I need a drink, now.

Without a doubt, bar none, unequivocally the worst film ever conceived by Man. Watching this film is an exercise in pure masochism. "Nukie" doesn't even have the "so bad it's good" charm of other horrible wastes of celluloid such as "Troll 2" or "Hobgoblins." The title character actually looks like a cross between a retarded bushbaby, a rotten potato, and a burlap sack full of horse manure. It's obvious that the creators of this film were envisioning an ET-like so-ugly-he's-cute character, with delusions of multi-million dollar licensing deals, lunchboxes and action figure lines. What they ended up with was a hideous monkey-faced monstrosity straight out of your worst Lovecraftian nightmare. This film is a horrible blight on the history of Mankind. It is pure torture and should not be viewed at any time by any human being whatsoever. I've made it my life's work to track down the unholy Sias Odendal, director of this film, and beat him senseless for his crimes against humanity. I blame "Nukie" for destroying my life and utterly shattering any hope that I may have had for the future of our civilization. Early on in the film, one of the "Space Foundation" scientists utters the line "This actually should not exist!" That is precisely how I feel about this film. I hate God for allowing this film to be made.In the immortal words of Tom Servo, "I'd slap this movie if I could."

Here's what I can say: this movie is SO BAD. NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES SEE THIS MOVIE. I try to see all the bad movies I can, and this tops them all. It's not even funny to mock, it's just that bad. It's a test of patience. Even if you think you wanna see this movie, you really don't. I'll leave you with a bit of the wit from this movie; while the scientists are taking miko's pulse with the x-ray machine, they still don't know whether he's an animal, mineral, or vegetable. Go back over that last sentence again. Yes. That actually does happen in the movie. Honestly, when I finally finished this movie I felt like dying(it took me a while because I watched about the first half hour and needed to stop on account of the utter idiocy of this movie). It is terrible. I can't stress that enough. And now I speak directly to the people who like watching bad movies: I know you've seen movie that people have told you not to see, but skip this one. It hurts to watch.