The Roller Blade Seven (1991) is the most "nothing" movie i've ever seen. I mean, the popcorn i was eating had more substance. First off the plot is well, there really isn't a plot. You go from one scene to another without any sort of idea where the characters are, sometimes who they are and their motivations. For the most part, the main character has a motivation but even that gets rather sketchy in this fever dream of a movie. Characters show up for "reasons" and then go away for "reasons". It feels more like a LARP than anything else. Things just happen.The editing in this movie is horrible. Absolutely awful. Shots hang on way too long, some of them only confuse the scenes further. The action scenes are like those home movies where you'd film your two kids fighting with cardboard tubes except they have rollerblades on and are dressed up for Halloween.There isn't even a script, the excuse for that is that it's a "new" kind of film-making, Zen Film-making. I dunno about you, but having a script is the very basis for creating a movie without making it a incoherent mess.For that reason, it barely even qualifies as a movie. It is just hardly anything.Great for watching with LSD though, i bet.

My house mate and I foolishly purchased the video of 'The Roller Blade Seven' from our local second hand video shop in the hope of finding a bad film to laugh at. This film isn't even laughable, it's pathetically poor, worse even than Jack Frost 2-and that's saying something. The script, acting, production, stunts, sound, sets, everything is absolutely terrible. In some parts the actors haven't even learned their lines and are blatantly ad-libbing or in one case actually having the lines read to them off set and simply repeating them. Set in the post apocalyptic 'Wheel Zone',The film obviously consists of about 45 minutes of film, many parts of which are edited badly or repeated ad nauseum from various different camera angles to make the film longer. This gets tedious very quickly. The plot makes no sense whatsoever (It is apparently an amalgam of two books written by Scott Shaw), there aren't even seven of them, most of them aren't on blades, they're wearing roller boots, and it seems to me that mostly the film has been completely sold on the fact that there's about 3 minutes of female semi-nudity in it. The writer and star Scott Shaw obviously fancies himself somewhat of a Samurai and throughout the film performs some very poor stunts and made up sword fighting moves that look massively amateurish. Despite all this, his website states that the film should never be compared to a traditional film because it really pushes the boundaries of modern film making. My house mate and I were left speechless by the whole ordeal, and despite my frequent attempts to burn the videotape, she has decided it may be some kind of Ring-esquire video curse that needs to be passed on. If you see the video in stores, take it from me! Leave well alone!

This is really a Rock n' Roll Great Film! It is like Fellini on Acid and I love Fellini! I mean, there are so many twists and turns in this film, that it really keeps you guessing. This film is really different than any other action-adventure film I have ever seen, if you can call it an action-adventure. Yeah, it has martial arts and swordplay but this film is really not about that. This film is like somebody went out there, did what ever they wanted to do, and put it on film. As an Art School Geek, this is the kind of film I would like to make if I had the money.This film really has created a new and better genera of film-making and "It Rocks!"

Truly a great leap forward in the perfection of painful cinema.Everything about this film is bad. Acting (if it can be called that), lighting, sound, script (if there was one), editing, direction, camera work, it is all atrocious. There is not a single element that is done well. If I thought that this was intentional then I might give the film some credit but I can not believe people would set out to make such a horendous film.This film is worth buying and screening to your worst enemies.