In Robo Vampire 2: Devil's Dynamite, a futuristic warrior (wearing a silver lamé jumpsuit and matching silver motorcycle helmet and boots) rescues a fat kid (dressed as a vampire) and a girl (possibly a ghost) from a trio of hopping vampire ninjas. If you're anything like me, that alone qualifies the film for a viewing, but as crazy as it all gets, it's not half as entertaining as it sounds thanks to an almost entirely incomprehensible plot. As with many a Godfrey Ho movie, footage from at least two martial arts films has been spliced together to make a total mess that jumps from one scene to another with little cohesion. With all the random chopping and changing, it's far too easy to not give a damn.As far as I could fathom, the film revolves around a gambling king called Steven Cox, who has just been released from prison after 10 years, having been set up by crime boss Madame Mary. Now free, Steven wants to settle the score, but must do battle with Mary's army of hopping vampires, and deal with the chancers who are after his buried horde of gold. Quite how Alex, the silver clad warrior, and the ghostly girl fit into things is beyond me.3/10 for Alex doing Robot Fu and moonwalking, a brief but bloody knife in an eye, and for featuring attack helicopters on the cover when there aren't any.

Well, if the above sounds confusing to read then believe me, it's nothing compared to the actual film! Great Scott! - This is a completely hat-stand flick to put it as mildly as possible, but with the name Tomas Tang attached, it comes as frankly little surprise. OK, so let me try to shed some light on what this is broadly about; An evil American working alongside the queen of the underworld (who appears courtesy of a completely different film of course!) hires a possessed Taoist priest to summon vampires in order to wipe out those who presumably oppose them. Okay.....but hold on; there's more! - You see, the forces of good are represented by a chap called Alex who when ever in danger transforms into - Tin Foil Wrapped, Silver Motorbike Helmet Wearing Warrior!......Well, OK, he isn't actually referred to as such, but the description is entirely apt nonetheless! Now throw into this mix a gambling champion called Steven and his buried gold, some ninja.....who are killed and then resurrected as vampire ninja and a completely odd series of scenes featuring a little boy who has an odd proclivity to dress up as a vampire and subsequently scare a little girl ghost (at least I think she was a ghost!). Yes, as you can well imagine, this is one hell of a bloody mess! On the other hand, much like the rest of Tomas Tang's/Filmark International's insane output, it is nonetheless strangely compelling in a manner not entirely dissimilar to that morbid curiosity one feels to have a gawp when passing a road accident in fact.

"Devil Dynamite" looked like it would be a harmless, silly Asian film...but it was much much more, or in this case less. Though this part obviously only pertains to the American dubbed version, the dubbing sounds really bad. Little kids sound like grown men playing cartoon characters, and the other dubbing doesn't fit either.The action scenes are simply amazing. You really can't top 4 hopping vampires attacking a weird, parachute pants wearing robo-man. Sounds pretty good, huh!? Well the whole movie is pretty much just a bunch of poorly filmed and put together action scenes, where continuity does not exist. Let me try to piece the plot together. There's some guy controlling vampires with pieces of paper and a bell, while an android saves the day. Meanwhile some people are digging for gold because some guy named Cox told them about hidden treasure.Add many strange subplots, and odd cuts and you have what quite probably is the worst and most bizarre foreign film of all time. It's a perfect example of how not to make a film, and it's quite funny too. Check it out if you like bad cinema, otherwise avoid it at all costs.

An evil drug cartel uses vampires to ensure that they retain their power. Some guy wearing a motorcycle helmet who looks like he's wrapped in tin foil -- he resembles a poor man's Inframan -- battles said vampires. Meanwhile criminal mastermind Steven Cox gets sprung from the joint and tries to hook back up with wicked duplicitous former moll Mary (the ever lovely and graceful Angela Mao). Got that? Well, I'm still not quite sure I got the insanely incoherent plot right, but this ridiculous rambling mess is nonetheless very entertaining in its nonstop jaw-dropping absurdity. For starters, those aforementioned vampires are clearly a bunch of dudes sporting tacky greasepaint make-up and a mouthful of cheap plastic fangs. Plus they can be controlled by sticking a piece of paper to their foreheads! The wild martial arts fight scenes with these hopping freaks wreaking all kinds of crazy havoc are absolutely sidesplitting. The alarmingly atrocious scenery-gnashing acting provides a wealth of unintentional laughs as well. Ditto the expected hilariously horrendous dubbing. But what really clinches this baby's status as a total schlock hoot is the way it haphazardly tosses together two separate pictures into a single incredibly inane composite feature. It's by no means a good film, but it's definitely a great deal of always enjoyable and often uproarious goofy fun all the same.